Rêve de Verre

It’s been a while since I wrote in this dairy like this. Years, to be honest, not since a bit after mom and dad died. Auntie didn’t like it, she thought it was dumb, something I should’ve outgrown by now. To be honest I kinda agreed with her…

There’s been so much going on lately, though, that I feel like I owe it to myself. It was nice to have this to get my thoughts out after mom and dad went missing. And if anything else happens – which it SO DEFINITELY IS at the rate things are going, I mean what the hell coming to this school was supposed to be fun! – this’ll be a good place to work it all out.

Like that whole Lightbringer thing that keeps coming out. Still think people are dumb, too hung up on a nickname that was thought up after too many cartoons but whatever. That’s not what has me so… whatever today.

Stupid Isaac! Stupid, stupid Isaac.

I still don’t pretend to know what’s going on in his head. But I hope it’s not as bad all the time. I’ve rarely felt as… sad as I did in that dream (what wildness that was btw omg I wonder how often chun does that! So cool!). I knew Isaac liked to keep to himself somewhat, that he had his share of problems. He should know better. He should KNOW BETTER. That we care for him, see him, however the heck he wants to phrase it. Or however that thing wants to phrase it. How could it not think that? I hope HE didn’t really think that.

If so he really IS stupid.

I never realised how bad it was I guess. I’m so mad at myself about that. Walking through that black beach, the whole thing feeling a fragile as glass ready to break… I want to tell him I’m sorry about that. That if he ever needs someone to talk to, he can come to me. I think the hug did the trick – I’ve never meant a hug more than I meant that one. But I dunno. But I think he might take it the wrong way if I say something about being light to his darkness – god it even sounds cheesy and stupid and dumb to just write! But… de la lumière vient l’obscurité et des ténèbres, la lumière. Something mom used to tell me.

Still, if he needs it…

I’ll have to let him know.

Still. It was a great relief to feel that fragile glass dream give away to something sturdier. Something more welcomeing. Something brighter. I hope we made a point and left an impression. I know I meant what I said, and I know chun (and I imagine the others) did too.

I just hope the poor guy gets a break from all this crap. Seems to be one thing after another lately. Hopefully all of us get a break. I could stand to go a while without having the… Lightbringer brought up again. Thes- Prof. Inkless keeps mentioning it (or as that chun? Idk) though, so it gets hard to forget. They both like talking about things that were way beyond me before I came to this school. I know I didn’t make a mistake there, and I love the friends I’ve made, but… sheesh! I’m going to have to start carrying around ice cream or something to chill them out sometimes. Everyone’s too serious all the time. Except Desi.

Ugh, it’s super late. I should stop writing in this thing and go to bed. I hope I sleep better tonight than I have been.

Et si la terre est sombre, et si la pluie te noie,
raconte-moi, qu’on puisse trembler ensemble.

Rêve de Verre

Mana of Mayhem: Magic School Blues Ashilyn